The Fixer Upper

Everyone has that one relationship where they try to "fix" the person they're with. Now I get it, when you're in a relationship you obviously want what's best for your s/o but this isn't home improvement and your aren't Tim the tool man Taylor (90's joke) you can't change someone to fit into your box, you can however help guide them in the right direction. The way I see it, you fell for this person because of the way they are. They're good and bad habits molded them into the person they are today. You cannot expect to change someone overnight, but you can expect the person to have an open mind especially when it comes to making the relationship better. I hate when people say that they are with someone because they've been with them for so long and it's comfortable. (See comfortability blog) Just because something's comfortable does it mean that it is right for you. As uncomfortable as it is, if you feel yourself seeing the relationship going forward, you should talk to your significant other about the future and the goals and ambitions that you both have. How can you start a life together if you don't even know what they want to do for the rest of their life. When you're in a relationship the goal is to grow better, be better and ultimately live better together. If you and your partner have different goals there's no way it's going to work out. I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but take it from me girl, you cannot force someone to have the same mindset as you. Here's where it's a little bit of a gray area, how do you know when to push or when to pull? You can't keep nagging someone because out of spite they're going to do with the opposite, it's just human nature. So what I propose is a list. Your list should have three columns; 1. Short term goals, 2.long term goals, 3. Mid term goals. Now long-term and short-term are pretty self-explanatory so I'm going to focus more on mid-term goals. To me when I think of the term "mid" it usually means middle, also known as halfway. (As a side note these goals are for you and your significant other I do advise that you make your own goals for yourself but for this topic we're talkin about couples) when you and your partner sit down and map out your future anything you want to revisit should be in the mid column. This could be something as simple as I want to redo our closet in 6 months all the way up to, I think we should discuss this job opportunity and maybe take that test for a promotion. Whatever you decide to put in that column the most important thing is that you and your lover are on the same page. You can't be on page 92 while they're still on page 10. A relationship is like a car, if the engine is $h!t, then the fuel injector is damaged which leads to the air filter being bad, and finally, your car blows up! See this all meshes together. Same for you and your s/o. If the line of communication is bad, then your goals aren't explained, leading to you both having different views on life and eventually BOOM explosion! I know I say this a lot buuuuuut TALK TO YOUR BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND! the things you can accomplish will rock your world. Fixing up someone isn't a chore or something to put on a resume, you can't fix what's not broken. People aren't broken, they just need guidance and reassurance that they can do it. So please don't try to "fix" someone, try to guide them, and if you can't, then maybe it's time to reevaluate your own goals list.

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