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Do You Know...

Do you know what it's like being the "put together one" , the person who's always there to help fix a problem, or leading a helping hand. Do you know how hard it is to fake a smile because you're the "happy one" and you're always making sure everyone else is taken care of? Do you know what goes on in your friend, or s/o mind when they daze out and you have to reel them back in? Of course you don't, why would you? The whole point of being the kept together person is to make sure no one knows what a toll it takes on you. You have to seem so okay with life that you make others feel so much better just by being around you. Do you know how exhausting that is? Do you know that if you hugged them right now they would probably break down in tears just because they are so overdone and overwhelmed with life. Do you know that even the most put together people sometimes need someone to just take the weight off their shoulders and let them breathe. The shitty part, no one knows. And it's not easy to talk about. It's not easy explaining how a certain word triggered you to go into full on depression mode. Or that a simple thought turned your day/night into a complete mental deterioration that you'll need days to recover from. No one sees the put together person as a ticking time bomb, they just see them as, well someone who has it all together and is always willing to help those in need. I can speak from experience when I say that even those who seem fine and dandy can break down, and the best thing to do as a friend or s/o is just listen, hold them, tell them you are here but let them vent. We aren't looking for a solution, we are looking for someone to just listen and try to understand what it's like for us "kept together folks." The term I use most is "do you want comfort or a solution." It's honestly one of the best things to come out of my mouth! When someone is upset you ask, do you want comfort or solution, this way you can better understand how you need to tackle this demon of emotions and you will find it a lot easier to help those involved. It's pretty self explanatory: comfort for instance is anything from forehead kisses to hand holding, to laying in bed snuggled up with a good book and some tea. Solution however means there is a clear and obvious choice of what needs to be done, and you just need an outside party to push you into doing so. I am a firm believer that not everyone is looking for a solution, some people just want a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen to. Express this with your friends, family and s/o so you as an individual can find the comfort or solution you need. And remember, being the "put together person" doesn't mean you have to bottle up your emotions, you are allowed to break down, just know that in order to rise up, you need to let go of what's holding you down. 😻

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